


Primal

by Vixx2pointOh



Series: The Unwritten [1]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Between Episodes, Canon Compliant, F/M, First Time, Flashbacks, POV First Person, POV Multiple, POV Oliver Queen, Sexual Content, Watching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-04
Updated: 2016-03-04
Packaged: 2018-05-24 16:15:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6159367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vixx2pointOh/pseuds/Vixx2pointOh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was a time he saw her in a darkened office.<br/>He knew her long before she knew him.</p><p>It was unbridled, passionate - primal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Primal

**Author's Note:**

> Beginning takes place in the flashbacks throughout episode 3.14 "The Return"
> 
> Note: I'm not American, sometimes my British English sneaks in. Thanks for understanding.

The office was dark, lit only by a small lamp on a side desk and the city skyline – business signs and office lights – flickering through the window blinds. I knew this room, it was one I had visited often as a boy; less often as a teen and barely at all as a young adult, still it was familiar. 

It had been 3 years but not much had changed. I took a moment; a glimpse of my previous life surfaced in my mind.

“Are you in position?” Maseo’s voice snapped me back to the moment.

He told me about the biometric encryption and to look for a fingerprint reader.

 _But why?_ “Why wouldn’t they take me out of the directory?” my thoughts bubbled out to words.

I was dead, he reminded me, that’s right, dead. The thought bounced around in my head as I locked eyes with the picture of my father and I; dead.

I was in, it was running, 90 seconds he told me.

‘Robert_Q PRIVATE’ caught my attention. Thea’s name, my name – What was that?

I was unsure of its importance, but I needed it. I set to downloading it, thoughts racing through my head, the task bar blinking its blue light onto my face.

“Oliver, you have to go”

I wasn’t done.

The ding of the elevator.

I wasn’t done.

The tap of shoes on the marble floor, heels, a mid pace.

“...someone is coming” I only caught the end of his sentence.

I grabbed what I needed, shut off the screen to allow it to finish its task secretly and ducked into the dark shadows of the adjoining office, solid against a column, my head rigorously still, the cap brim concealing my face as best it could.

I heard the door open. Fight or flight? – I hoped neither.

Was it my mother?

No, a figure came into the same skyline light I had been in moments before.

White top, black skirt, I was unsure of any significance these details held but details such as that had become something I lapped up without thinking.

She was blonde, young, walking with a quiet confidence. It seemed like she was walking along to a song playing only in her head.

“You’re cute” she leant down, her hands on the same desk “it’s too bad you’re, you know, dead” she was talking to the photo that had caught my eye earlier.

“Which is obviously a lot worse for you than it is for me”.

Who was she? She hadn’t been here 3 years ago. No, she was younger than me. I had been dating Laurel, but I would have noticed her, I’d noticed the other young interns previously regardless of my dating attachment.

No, she was new and she was different – to what? I don’t know, but something in the way she scolded herself for talking to herself, was like a refreshing breeze on a hot day, welcomed – different.

A smile ever so slightly peeked on my face, a feeling I’d almost forgotten, a feeling I had begun to think the island had taken from me, but no, there it was, a smile.

I watched her leave.

I skimmed passed my father’s old desk to pull out the USB, a step forward but two back.

There was something else first. My thumbprint worked a second time and it didn’t take long to access the personnel files – they had given me too much access for a playboy college dropout, apparently my name carried more weight than I deserved.

“Felicity Smoak” I uttered her name to the furniture.

I had been right she was a few years younger. She had started at Queen Consolidate a few months ago in the IT department. I gathered more details although I had no reason why I felt the needed to know them.

The picture on her file brought that smile back to my face. Her smile was effervescent although it seemed she was holding a larger one back. It was only one picture but I could tell from it alone that there was an unassuming kindness in her eyes.

“Where are you?” Maseo, his voice was urgent.

 _Shit. Waller_.

Getting the information to her gave me 4 hours until the auction, 4 hours I could see Thea again. By the graves Tommy had mentioned his party, he had warned her not to go but I got the impression she was going to disobey that request.

I slipped out without Waller noticing – I was getting better at that.

I zipped up the green hoodie and hid my face as best I could under the hood of it. ‘Ollie’ was a distant memory to me but not so much so that I didn’t immediately know where to go.

The music was loud, laser lights flooded across the yard, the smell of petrol from supped up race cars father’s had bought for their kids hung heavy in the air. This had been me, a lifetime ago.

Slipping into the party was easy. As I moved undetected behind Tommy I clenched my fist to stop myself reaching out for him. I heard a voice, it was one that I had lost but not forgotten – Laurel. I sunk deeper behind the pole, if anyone would notice me, hoodie or not it would have been her.

“Queen” Tommy said. I couldn’t get closer to this column if I tried.

Thea appeared through the doors, my hunch had been right. Despite my absence, perhaps I did know her a little.

It was only moments later the dealer showed up.

I followed him up the stairs, consumed with rage. I tried a voice, a deep foreboding one, but he recognised my face. The knife appeared but he was scrawny so the effort was minimal. A true reminder ‘Ollie’ had been replaced by what the last 3 years had made me.

I remember dropping him from the balcony and I remember hearing Quentin’s tirade outside the party. 

I remember that night clearly – my father’s message, my realisation that I could not be in Starling right now, the auction, General Shrieve. My memory on these things is clear, but this is not what I chose to dwell on.

Rather, the reprieve of another day was given me. The ARGUS safe house was outside town, we would be flying out the next morning.  
I was told not to return to the city, but there was something drawing me back.

I found myself in front of Queen Consolidated.

l didn’t know what I expected to find but there I was, baseball cap, temporarily darkened hair, courtesy of ARGUS, and hoodie.  
Leaning against a wall on the other side of the road, l was waiting.

Then she appeared, as clear as day in the brightly lit lobby of the building, red skirt, black jacket, her hair pulled back the same way it had been the night before.

''Felicity Smoak" under my breath, not because I felt I would forget it, but rather because I knew I'd always remember it.

She was stunning, in that unassuming way of a girl who didn’t know or rely on it. She was different, it seemed, from every other girl who I had dated, or otherwise ‘engaged’ with.

She was chatting animatedly with the security guard, her bag tucked tightly under her arm. As she walked away from him, she turned and waved and the guard – the size of a heavy weight boxer – responded in kind. Very different to the others.

She walked through the doors into the brisk air. She crossed the road, her hair glimmered in the usually harsh light from the street lamps, she stopped a few feet from me, I froze worried she might recognize me too?

A phone she pulled from her pocket garnered a sigh from her painted red lips.

“Mom? I can’t talk right now, I’m walking home”

“It’s fine, it’s like a block, no, a block” she gestured to the empty street

“Yes, kick, OK, yes Mom, I know where that area is” a long pause “love you too, bye”

The phone went back into the pocket of her coat, I garnered from that, that she liked to keep it close.

She stopped at a junction with any alleyway, maybe 10 feet in front of me. She looked from one side to the other as if trying to decide which route to take. 

“The street” I urged almost silently to the wind 

She didn’t listen. She turned down the alley, her heels cheerily tapping on the uneven path.

I didn’t know what I was doing there, but I couldn’t tear myself away. I decided to follow her at height. We turned a corner, she was talking to herself again. I couldn’t make out all the words, but it seemed like she was chastising her choice in footwear.

I almost didn’t see the two figures myself. Within a minute they were upon her, dangerously close. She yelped at the surprise they gave her. She backed away and they got closer. Instinctively I bounded down the fire escape of the grey building I had been perched on.  
The noise startled all three of them. 

“HEY! Are you alright?” the words came quickly from my mouth.

She looked up, terrified. They looked up, ready to fight.

It was not a fair fight, there could have been 10 of them and it still wouldn’t have been. With a broken nose, a bruised vertebrae, split lips and very battered egos they scurried back into the darkness.

“Are you alright?” my voice softened and I spoken with a practiced English accent I had tried to master while I waited for her to leave QC.

“Ah, yeah, sure, uh-huh” she quickly replied “don’t tell my mom” she quipped as she pick up her bag that she’d dropped, spilling half of its contents .

“What am I saying? You don’t even know my mom” she shrugged, keys, ID bag and a stray lipstick went back into the bag “well thanks, for that” she swept her hand around the alley air, gesturing “it was, uh, great. We’ll not great for them, but uh, for” pause “me” she spoke like it was a question.

“You’re welcome” short words to try and keep my accent in tact

Her eyes met mine and even in a sparsely lit alley I could tell they were stunning. I felt myself staring.

“Can I walk you home?” it sounded like I was an 8th grader.

“No, it’s fine, you’re fine” her eyes widened “I’m fine, I mean I’m OK, to walk home” she flustered.

“It seems like you could use a drink” I smiled.

Her eyes met mine again, her head tilted, did she recognize me? Her eyes were narrowing.

“There?” I pointed to a quaint bar across the street at the end of the alleyway.

Her eyes stayed on mine. For a moment I didn’t care if she did recognize me, I already felt I knew her.

She nodded with an easy half smile “sure, OK, why not, I can trust you right?”

“I have one of those trustworthy faces” I answered, not one of my best thought out answers.

She nodded. 

We walked together without words to the bar entrance. I hoped the bar was dimly lit.

I opened the door and she stepped in graciously nodding her head in silent appreciation.

I didn’t know what I was doing, Waller would kill me if she’d have known, but that voice in my head was quelled when Felicity sat at a table away from the window and gestured, with an innocent smile, for me to sit down. 

“I’m Felicity by the way. You didn’t ask, but you should probably know that, if you want to that is”

“I do” I responded “I’m Steve” I lied

“That’s not a very British name”

I laughed, her manner was endearing. That fresh breeze was the perfect analogy.

“So what brings you to Starling?” she questioned, her delicate hands wrapped firmly around the glass the server had just delivered

“Just business” there was some truth to that.

She nodded, “Have we met? I feel like I’ve seen you before”.

My head shook decisively “Nope, I’d remember” my British was becoming patchy.

Minutes turned into an hour with ease. It was idle chatter about work, music, her dislike of kangaroos among other things. She spoke little of family, which was a relief for me. I’m not sure my face wouldn’t expose my lies if I was forced to speak of my own.

Felicity had moved to Starling long after I had boarded the Queen’s Gambit so it seemed she knew of me, the previous me anyway, as only a folk lore and a picture on my mother’s desk.

I was surprised Waller hadn’t found me yet. Perhaps they had and they were waiting outside. Frankly, right there, in that dimly lit bar that barely had a handful of people in it, where the smell of beer and pretzels lingered on the tip of my nostrils – I didn’t care. I felt home. Not my old home, but a new home that I hungered to grasp with two hands. How had the smile of a girl I barely knew brought me to such a realisation? I had no answer.

I felt a sudden rush, one that had not ventured into my body since Shado. Everything I had told Felicity was built on a lie, but I wanted her on a level that, I am ashamed to admit, was primal.

She was talking about a cat that had gone into QC and was had been chased by a guard, leaning in, her eyes dancing with enjoyment at the retelling. As if no longer in control of myself, I leant in and took her lips on mine, I was needy – for her, for that moment.

“Oh” she breathed as we broke apart.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that” my eyes darted to the floor.

“Not, oh bad, oh” she paused, her hand came to rest on top of mine “oh good” she finished.

We kissed again, not flurried this time, but slow and deep. It was familiar, though I couldn’t understand how or why.

“I live next door, I can’t believe I’m asking this” her head shook in its own disbelief “did you want to” she bit her lip slightly “come up?”.

_No, you don’t know who I am._  
_No, you seem too nice for me._  
_No, I don’t want to hurt you._

“Yes” I replied

She blushed with a smile and gestured towards the door. I took her hand and left some money I had taken from the ARGUS safe house on the table.

Once inside her flat she reached for the light switch, I caught her hand in mine and pushed my lips against hers, darkness would better conceal my face. The glimmer from the light outside speckled against the window panes, it had started raining, as if trying to match the depth of our kiss, heavier, harder, more desperate.

She led me towards a doorway, her arm bent behind her fumbling with the handle, her lips never leaving mine. She laughed as the door refused to open, it was the type of kind laugh that had been absent in my life for so long. My hand came to hers and twisted the door knob the opposite way.

“Oh righ-” I stopped her before she could finish, I greedily needed her lips back on mine, each one of us vying for the intense pressure the other provided. 

Our bodies melded together as if we were two halves of the whole. I had experienced other women before but this was unlike any of them, a catalyst to a feeling I’d not known before despite countless other attempts.

“Are you sure?” I breathed as we crumpled onto the bed together, my accent now – I was aware – had completely gone.

“Uh-huh” the moonlight danced on her, like fingertips stroking her face, her ponytail was messy now, her eyes wide.

I slowly unbuttoned her shirt, with each button the delicate rays from the moon revealed her soft milky skin. We lay back together, her hands removing my jacket, then my t-shirt. _The scars_ a testimony to the life I had led in exile, a reminder of my strength and my pain, but a roadmap that I felt she didn’t need to know.

I moved far enough away that just her fingertips skidded across my abdomen, unable to remove the tank top I was wearing, but close enough that I could still feel her soft touch

There were noises outside the windows, sirens, footsteps on the street below – but the only sound I could focus on was her soft slow breathing. In, out, hot against my cheek as my lips caressed her neck. My tongue swirling over her skin, lapping in the taste of her

My lips traced the path made by my fingertips moments before, my hand cupped her breast – a gentle rhythm at first that transcended into a stronger pulsation. Her back arched, her pelvis moving in sync with mine, our legs tangled together. I wanted to take my time, to linger on the scent of coconut that bounced off her supple skin, to enjoy her body writhing next to mine, but at the same time I wanted the rush of me in her out of fear that at any moment this moment could be stolen from me.

She tugged at the waistband of my jeans, drawing me closer. Those jeans were hastily discarded along with her skirt and as I stole a moment to look at her in the limited light, I promised myself I would remember the strands of her honey coloured hair cast across her face, the delicate enclave of her shoulder, the roundness of her breasts, the way her bellybutton was a half innie and the perfect curve of her hipbone.

“Steve?” she had noticed me staring 

My lips met back with hers, the closest of companions now, my hands grasped at her. Her hands glided over the material of my tank top, concerned no longer with removing it. Her fingers gripped my shoulders with the same feeling of rush I had had moments earlier.

She breathed heavily now, her body beckoned me near. I took her breast into my mouth, sucking, rolling, gently biting. She let out the faintest of sighs followed by a groan that was eager and needy. Her grip on my arm tightened which heightened my hunger for her as her pelvis rose to meet me. For a fleeting moment our eyes met again – words didn’t need to be shared she was as ready as I. 

I took the occasion and slid inside her, a soft gasp ran hot against my ear. Slow at first, my body finding its way into hers. As thoughts that usually filled my mind melted away the speed of my thrust quickened and the depth of it deepened. 

I felt her body contracting around me as we moved in sync together, up, down. Harder. Faster. 

My eyes had adjusted to the darkened room and I could see hers flickering as she pursed and released her lips, completely captured in the moment.

I wanted her, I needed her and as she pulled my weight closely to her I knew she felt the same.

It was fast now, hurried, desperate, primal. The air was thick with our breath, the rain harder on the window pane, urging us closer to climax.

We reached the height together in a moment of euphoria. I stayed inside of her, savouring the feeling as her body twitched underneath mine.

I rolled away, kissing the nape of her neck as she curved her legs up into her chest.

“Are you ok?” I questioned, a sudden surge of guilt pronging in my head

With the gentlest of touches, she kissed my lips, her fingers walking down my arm as we lay next to each other. Not a word needed to be said.

She nestled into the curve of my elbow, her head resting on my still-clothed chest. I kissed her head, the scent of her shampoo one that I knew I would not forget.

We stayed that way for what seemed like an eternity. I was aware it had been too long since I had left ARGUS and as I looked down at her, my instincts were to make sure I removed myself from this situation so she wouldn’t be embroiled in it.

The pen and paper were easy to find in the table beside the bed. I knew what I wanted to write, but I also knew what I had to write, they were two different things.

_Felicity,_  
_I’m sorry to leave you, but I have an early flight in the morning._  
_Please take care of yourself, you are a rare gem._  
_I do hope that we will see each other again._  
_Steve_

My heart stung at that last lie, but I couldn’t very well endanger her by telling her the truth. I convinced myself it was better this way.

I dressed and spent a moment looking across at her. After a single last kiss to her forehead I quietly left, knowing that I would likely never return.

“Goodbye Felicity Smoak” I whispered, to no one but myself.

ARGUS found me wandering the streets a few minutes later. They were unimpressed, but I was glad to have stolen the moments away.

* * *

**Present Day**

Footsteps on the wooden floor echoed through the loft. 

Taking a second glance at the memory he’d just relived and written down, Oliver folded the pen into the journal and looked up. She was there in the doorway, and she was beautiful.

“Hey” he spoke, the memory in words felt tight in his hands before he placed the book beside him.

“Hi” she responded, pealing off her jacket.

As Felicity walked towards him, she’d noticed something she’d never seen before. In the dimmed light of the bedroom she saw a face that pulled up an almost buried memory. 

Darker, longer hair, a younger face -true, but something about Oliver right now brought up a memory of a moment in time when she lost herself in a way she had never done before, or since. A memory of a moment she allowed herself to be reckless, to be free, to be wanted and to be needed.

A memory of a moment in time hinged on a fleeting inexplicable desire in which she had slept with a man she barely knew. _Steve_? a name that had held a place in the back of her mind, not to be recalled, but to be stored to remind herself it was ok to be free from restraint sometimes. To be **_primal_**.

  
She smiled as she shook the memory away and walked towards the bed where Oliver lay, recounting Ray’s disappointment at her selling his condo.

 _One day I’ll tell him about Steve, no probably not_ she allowed herself to think before filing the memory back where it belonged.

  
_One day I’ll tell you about the real first time we met_ he allowed himself to think as his mind briefly wandered back to the journal _One day you can know everything ._

**Author's Note:**

> Flash forward is episode 4.6 "Lost Souls"
> 
> I really hope I did the tie in justice. Thanks for reading.


End file.
